I joined a gym...

yep, I joined a gym.  It is nine years to the month that I recall last joining a gym...Calfornia Fitness in Columbus, Ohio when Eric and I were 5 months away from getting married (good memories with my dear friend and then roommate, Molly!).  If you would have even asked me a month ago, I would have said, no, I don't see myself ever joining a gym again.  I don't know why really...it could have been for financial reasons (do I really want to spend that much money to exercise especially if I stop going after a little while) or for practical reasons (like where will the kids go?) or really except for the past year, I was working full time, so most of the time, I just didn't have the energy to go  exercise after working 5 days a week...but whatever the thought was, I had labeled myself for quite some time as "I'm not the kind of woman who goes to a gym", even though I like to walk and exercise (I really do, my daily habits do not reveal this), "it just wasn't me anymore."  

Nine years ago, I joined a gym to get fit for the wedding.  This time it's for different reasons.  Not that getting fit and becoming more healthy is not one of my reasons because it is.  But, the week before last, I heard several women talk about this women's gym in Tupelo.  I asked more questions, and found out that a. the price was right (around 16 bucks per month! if I paid in full) b. child care was included with their current special.  So I went and checked it out last Monday, and to my surprise, I got excited about the possibility!!  The child care was included, and the lady who sits with the kids has been doing it for as long as the gym opened over 15 years ago, and she's great with the kids.  The exercise equipment is high quality, and the classes are included.  So the more I thought about it, I realized all right, this is a win-win-win...Clara can be around other children (and Stanley too when he's not at preschool), I get to exercise and feel healthier (and maybe a positive outcome would be losing some of this baby weight, who knows?!), and I also can meet women outside and inside the church (there's a lot of Orchard women who go there!).  So I am hoping that the motivation and excitement remains, I'm focusing on the the health benefits, the benefits for Clara especially since she isn't with other children as much, and the social benefits for me as well.  So it's really more about finding balance for me in my daily life.  I am an extrovert, and I dearly miss the daily interaction with my co-workers and friends at hospice.  I didn't realize how much daily adult interaction really fuels me until I no longer had it as a stay at home mom!  I don't make new year's resolutions typically because it just makes me feel guilty when I don't meet any of the goals, but this is a good change for me, and I am praying it sticks.

We've been making some food and drink changes in our family as well, it's supposed to be just for this month with some accountability with a women's group from church.  But, the longer we do it, the more I wonder if these are long term changes that we need to consider.  I have a friend here who started me thinking several months ago about all the junk we put in our bodies with preservatives and chemicals.  It got me thinking, but to be honest, I wasn't sold because honestly, I didn't want to go to the hassle of figuring out what that looks like.  Let's face it, my convenient lifestyle was easy and well...convenient.  She suggested a book called "Food Rules" by Michael Pollan, it's an easy read for someone who is considering making some food changes, it uses simple language and is not highly technical.  I'm not talking the American "diet" and food fads, I'm talking returning to our roots, eating more natural and not as much processed foods.  So I read the book, and Eric and I decided on the foods we were going to cut out, and in all actuality I wanted to focus on all the healthy things we were putting into our bodies not as much what we were cutting out that I think I "need" everyday.  I won't get into all the specifics, but some main things I cut out for the month were my daily diet pop (Eric had done this long ago because of his Chron's), my morning coffee with my hazelnut creamer, my daily candy, and my almost daily sweets.  Crazy, I know, but before you look at me, and think wow, I could never do that....just know, it's taken me FOREVER to take the plunge and make this change, and it's only because of the accountability with this group that I decided to do it because I truly want to see how my body feels after a month of not having those things daily.  Besides that, we are trying as much as possible to go fresh with vegies and fruit and other foods, just becoming more aware of all the junk that the food industry puts in our food (this does not yet mean I don't get my fresh fruits and vegies from Wal-Mart so this may be an oxymorn, but I can't make too many changes at once people!)...Eric has even gotten into the habit of making whole wheat tortillas!  We are a little less than two weeks in, and I honestly I do feel different.  And, I've thought about if this is a self-fulfilling prophecy, "I think it's going to happen, therefore it does."  I really think I feel different.  I feel more motivated, energetic, my mood feels more balanced (let's face it I still have my irritable and grouchy mom moments!), and I just feel better all around.  So we are half way into this month, and my mind is starting to make the switch of thinking about...what next?  How is this going to change my daily life in the future?  How am I going to remember how this feels so that motivates me to continue to make positive changes in how we eat?  It shouldn't be a surprise to me, but funny, I've noticed that the kids are eating more fruits because that's what mommy and daddy are eating (I can't say they have bought into the vegies though!).  I haven't even begun to fully understand what that looks like for our children because we have only implemented this with Eric and I -- because I may be a little embarrassed to admit my almost 2 year old girl totally calms down if I give her fruit snacks (and what's in a fruit snack really?!).  OK, so through all of this, what have I missed the most?  Drum roll please....my morning coffee with hazelnut creamer!  It hasn't been the pop (although believe me I've had some cravings for it), it hasn't been the candy (because believe me I have been tempted to pull out a piece of candy for me out of the candy jar when I get some for the kids), and it hasn't totally been the sweets or the ice cream (which I love as you all know!) or our at least weekly pizza...it's been the coffee and I have to have my coffee with my hazelnut creamer (I cannot drink my coffee black, come on people!).  So for now I've decided with complete trepidation that pop needs to be out for good (I struggle even as I type that), but coffee with creamer remains after this month.  Sweets, candy, and ice cream and pizza and my other favorite foods in moderation, but  I've never been great with moderation so if I'm serious about this, I will have to figure out what that means in the future.  Beyond the focus on food and changes I've experienced, I have also noticed that these negative habits draw me away and keep me less focused on my relationship with God, it lures my focus to physical food, and not the spiritual food that can only satisfy.  OH MY, what does all this mean?  And, why did I feel the need to write something of this personal nature on my blog? I don't know in full, but if nothing else, it may be because I wonder who else out there that may read my blog is on the same journey and could offer advice or encouragement or how tos or what works for you because my curiosity has been spiked and I'm "almost" in.  I might have just taken a drink of the "kool-aid" (or not so much the kool-aid)...and I'm wondering if I make these kinds of changes in our daily lives...will it bring honor to the Lord because we choose not to believe the lie that our culture and food industry tells us daily, but we return to the roots of how our grandparents and great-grandparents in choosing and preparing our food.  I pray that a month from now, I don't look back in this blog and think to myself, "oh I'm so not there anymore" but I find myself continuing on the journey to a healthier me and family.  If I'm not, someone remind me where I was today, and that there's more to life than food and the food that's in our grocery store that gives temporary satisfaction to a craving, but is nourishing and places our minds on "eating to live, not living to eat."

I do not think it's coincidence that I have joined a gym along side all of these food changes.  Not for joining the gym to become a buff Kendra like our society buys into :)  (HA!), but to experience the full benefits of eating right and exercise.  It certainly wasn't expected and was not planned when I set out on this journey on January 7, but I believe it's a good and needed part of the process for my physical and emotional well being as a mama, a wife, and a friend.

I believe that when these changes continue to happen over the long term, they will also have a huge impact on my spiritual life, my ability to connect with the Lord and not be as distracted.  They already have, and for that I am thankful, I do feel less depressed, less anxious, more confident, less guilty and shameful, and find myself more able to live in the grace, peace, gratitude, and deep inner joy that I believe the Lord has for us if we could just break away some of these walls that stand in our way.  

This blog post is not meant to be a "hey, look what I'm doing" kind of post, it's truly about what is happening within me.  I'm on the journey, I have not or will not ever fully arrive, but I'm on the journey to be set free from all that tears us away from what is most important in life.  I struggle with comparison to others, like a lot of women these days.  I have a love-hate relationship with face book and blogs...when I'm in a good place, they are positive, when I'm in a "less healthy" place, they are negative.  I'm never going to be addicted to drugs or alcohol, but I can be addicted to things in other ways, and social media and food can be my "addiction" in so many complex ways.  And, I know I'm not alone.  So if you read this, and somehow feel "less than" because of anything I said, please know that this was not my intention, I'm just someone who is struggling through the mess, and trying to find my place amidst the piles of junk around me -- and trying to find me because sometimes I feel lost in trying to live up to everyone's expectations, and forget that I have only ONE that I am here to please - and that is in my relationship with the Lord and being true to what He believes me to be - his child that He loves so very deeply.

But, if you read this and you are on the journey and you connected to what I have said, encourage me with your story and tell me about books, thoughts, quotes, or ways that you have learned to make these changes in your life.  And, we will join together on the journey.  And, oh, just a promotion for Jen Hatmaker's book, 7: An Experimental Mutiny Against Excess 

http://www.dayspring.com/books_and_journals/christian_living_books/jen_hatmaker_7_an_experimental_mutiny_against_excess/?gclid=CPSinNCz9bQCFRQcnAod5zcAgg

some of these thoughts were born out of processing this book together, so if want to be challenged and laugh all at the same time, purchase this book today. :)  Yes, I'll take that thank you from you, Jen Hatmaker, I just helped to promote your sweet little book!  :)

As always, thanks for stopping,
Kendra